But I Really, Really Want It…

Have you ever had some thing or circumstance that you wanted? I mean really, really wanted. Wanted with all of your heart.

I’ve gotta say right now, I’m in the wanting stage. I’ve been made an offer that seems the perfect answer for me. It fits all the things on my “want” list…and I can’t have it. It just can’t be, right now. And let me tell you…I’ve felt all the familiar feelings…crushed, heartbroken, even that sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. I wanted it so bad. Why can’t it be??

And then I realize one of the “perks” of being 49andcounting…experience.

I remember like it was yesterday… over 20 years ago. I wanted something. So much that the memory is still crystal clear. An antique table…can you believe it? An antique table..and it still hurts a bit. I found it in a small country shop, the perfect table…at least 8 ft long, and beautiful. It had been a library table in an old courthouse. I begged my husband, and figured every way that I could pay for that table. Couldn’t we sell a cow? I mean really, he spent so much money on “his” cows…couldn’t I have this for me? And the answer was no. Now I look back and think…”how in the world did I plan to put an 8ft long harvest table in my trailer house kitchen?” There was no place for it, it wasn’t logical. The “no” answer was the right answer.

That’s not the only voice of experience. There was the house. I was consumed by the house. Living in a trailer with three children made an old farm house, full of character and big rooms seem the perfect answer for all of my wants. I can’t tell you how I “wanted” it…I dreamed of it, begged for it, actually let it consume all of my thoughts. And the answer was no. I was crushed, angry, defeated. My hurt feelings caused a lot of conflict in my life. Do you know what happened? Not even a year later, that house burnt to the ground. An electrical fire. I was so glad that the answer had been “no”.

So here I am at 49andcounting “wanting” again.  Seeing what I believe is “the perfect answer” before me…and the answer is “no”.  But this time…I can accept the “no”.  I can take my experiences and firmly believe …

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord” (Isaiah 55:8).

Ahh, I’m so thankful for 49andcounting and all the examples that God has given me along the way that truly have taught me to…

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.”-Prov. 3:5

Sometimes the answer is “no”….but I promise you…God has a better plan.


About 49andcounting

Hi! I'm a mom, wife, grammy, sister, friend at that ALMOST 50 age!! (Okay, since I started this a few years ago...well, add a bit to 49andcounting!) How the heck did I get here so fast?!? I love, love, love- my girls, antiques, rural America, history, Jesus, junkin,the lake and my Big Boy...not particularly in that order. It's about time I change this profile a bit. After a year or living in our 5th wheel in beautiful Pennsylvania, My Big Boy and I are back to the Kansas Prairies. And there's just nothing like "Home Sweet Home". Hitting the Big 50 has its own unique, well...let's say...blessings :) So come along, laugh with me...cry with me...praise God with me...and let's do this 49andcounting thing, together!
This entry was posted in F...F...Fifty, Faith and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to But I Really, Really Want It…

  1. Nanny Anna says:

    Yes, I know that feeling. But “NO” isn’t always the best answer. There are a few “No’s” that I received and they were wrong…I should have had that one thing I wanted sooooo bad that I would qualify it as a true ‘need’.

    So what is it exactly that you are yearning for? I would love to know 🙂


    • Hate to do this to you, but…I can’t tell on this one. I’m believing that this one is a “God NO”…and with that, no matter how disappointing in the moment…I know there’s a reason…a better plan 🙂

  2. notquiteold says:

    I think you are way overdue for a Yes,

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s