I have vowed to always be 49andcounting. I swore I wouldn’t use the ffff…fifty word, but well, it’s in my character to change my mind! So today, I’ll use that dreaded word, as it’s almost over…the 50th year!
Twelve months ago I dreamed of a ‘year of jubilee’…a year of jumping into my bucket list…a year of renewal. Let me just tell you… 50 almost kicked my butt!
As this year has passed, I have felt old. Felt the weight of constant pain, and the discouragement that pain can bring. Me, the happy, perky person…has found times that I’ve come close to being swallowed in a deep, dark place of hopelessness. Hate to say it, but fifty was tough. My hope is that it has not been that way for all of you, that 50 was all that you dreamed it could be.
But, as I look back (in just a few days I’m on to a new number!) do you know what comes to mind? I’m flooded with memories of smiles and laughter from family and friends. Of giggles from the grandkids as they bounced on the trampoline or opened Christmas gifts. Of laughing from the bottom of my toes as Bella attempted to steer her new Barbie Jeep (she loved reverse!). Of birthday parties and days at the lake. I remember the wind in my face and the smile on My Big Boy’s as we boated on the river. And laughter when we visited Niagara Falls and made an unexpected trip to Canada (did I tell you that one!).
Especially I remember the love I felt as my family cared for me. A husband who gave up much without a complaint when I couldn’t go or couldn’t do, who took time off to drive me and set with me through countless Dr.’s apts. A daughter and a sister who graciously opened their homes while I was finding a new place to land.
I’ll have to admit, there were times when I wasn’t a whole lot of fun this year. And what did I learn in my 50th year? That love has a language that says, “I will take care of you”. And that made my 50th year all worthwhile.
I am loved…and I am on to fifty-one! Hope you come with me!