I have vowed to always be 49andcounting. I swore I wouldn’t use the ffff…fifty word, but well, it’s in my character to change my mind! So today, I’ll use that dreaded word, as it’s almost over…the 50th year!
Twelve months ago I dreamed of a ‘year of jubilee’…a year of jumping into my bucket list…a year of renewal. Let me just tell you… 50 almost kicked my butt!
As this year has passed, I have felt old. Felt the weight of constant pain, and the discouragement that pain can bring. Me, the happy, perky person…has found times that I’ve come close to being swallowed in a deep, dark place of hopelessness. Hate to say it, but fifty was tough. My hope is that it has not been that way for all of you, that 50 was all that you dreamed it could be.
But, as I look back (in just a few days I’m on to a new number!) do you know what comes to mind? I’m flooded with memories of smiles and laughter from family and friends. Of giggles from the grandkids as they bounced on the trampoline or opened Christmas gifts. Of laughing from the bottom of my toes as Bella attempted to steer her new Barbie Jeep (she loved reverse!). Of birthday parties and days at the lake. I remember the wind in my face and the smile on My Big Boy’s as we boated on the river. And laughter when we visited Niagara Falls and made an unexpected trip to Canada (did I tell you that one!).
Especially I remember the love I felt as my family cared for me. A husband who gave up much without a complaint when I couldn’t go or couldn’t do, who took time off to drive me and set with me through countless Dr.’s apts. A daughter and a sister who graciously opened their homes while I was finding a new place to land.
I’ll have to admit, there were times when I wasn’t a whole lot of fun this year. And what did I learn in my 50th year? That love has a language that says, “I will take care of you”. And that made my 50th year all worthwhile.
I am loved…and I am on to fifty-one! Hope you come with me!
Happy 50th to you my dear as my mom would say as you get older you become more wiser in life, that is why In Titus we see that the older men and woman was teaching the young by having the older men and woman share their experiences with them. We need that…
I am also 50 this year. It hasn’t been a horrible year, but it sure hasn’t been the “life changing, amazing new me” year that I’d hoped it would be. I, too, am wondering “why”. Why I can’t become the person I would like to be. Wondering if it’s too late, at 50. But, I am only going to continue getting older, aren’t I… so I just keep putting one foot in front of another and praying I will do better tomorrow.
Praying this year is better for you. My 50th came in Feb. with little to no fanfare. Hubby was in Haiti, daughter in Russia and sons scattered several hours away. It was a quiet day, but a great one to spend time reflecting, praying, and seeking God in this new half century. Blessings to you in your new year!!