All That I Can Be…

I have a deep, dark secret. And I’m sharing, because maybe one of you have felt this way, too.

I’ve spent my life disappointed. Every night when I lay my head on my pillow, or every morning while I sit in my chair praying…I feel disappointed…in myself.

Not so much in others and their actions, but in myself. Disappointed in my response to others actions, disappointed in my unforgiveness, disappointed in my wrong choices, disappointed in my disobedience.  “Why can’t I be more, Lord?”  “More loving, more forgiving, more understanding, more compassionate?”  “Is this all that I can be?  A disappointment to you?”

And then it comes to me…”Have you truly accepted my forgiveness?”  “I gave my son for you.”  “I love you that much.”  “He was pierced on the cross, that you would be forgiven.”  “He took on your sin.  Your disappointments.”  “Each day is new for you.”  “All I ask is that you believe.”

“You are not a disappointment to me.”

And now I know…that each night and each morning, He loves me…where I am, who I am, what I’ve done…He loves me.  He loves all that I am right now…

And all that I can be.

Blessings to you…

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About 49andcounting

Hi! I'm a mom, wife, grammy, sister, friend at that ALMOST 50 age!! (Okay, since I started this a few years ago...well, add a bit to 49andcounting!) How the heck did I get here so fast?!? I love, love, love- my girls, antiques, rural America, history, Jesus, junkin,the lake and my Big Boy...not particularly in that order. It's about time I change this profile a bit. After a year or living in our 5th wheel in beautiful Pennsylvania, My Big Boy and I are back to the Kansas Prairies. And there's just nothing like "Home Sweet Home". Hitting the Big 50 has its own unique, well...let's say...blessings :) So come along, laugh with me...cry with me...praise God with me...and let's do this 49andcounting thing, together!
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2 Responses to All That I Can Be…

  1. Rick says:

    You are exactly right. You understand that if you had been the only one on earth, He still would have given His life for you and you alone. He’s working in you at all times – grooming you and perfecting you and preparing you for glory. We are human, needing to be born again and again and again – daily. Peace and grace to you Michaela. You are exactly who you were made to be.

  2. Sammy says:

    Good post. I had felt the same way so many mornings noon and nights throughout my life. Even when I knew that Jesus forgave and I accepted his forgiveness. My kids and wife constantly forgive me and I accept their forgiveness but their was always something hanging over me that just didn’t feel right. One day and don’t ask me how, maybe I read it somewhere but I realized that one very important ingredient was missing. I was forgetting to forgive myself. I realized that if any body else I need to ask for forgiveness it was me. Since I have learned to forgive myself and again I say, I don’t know why it works but it does.

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