Stuck in a hotel room thanks to the ice storm. I have had a marathon of “Real Housewives”, “Basketball Wives”, “Bridal Plasty”, and “America’s Top Model” and a diet of chocolate covered peanuts and donut gems. Considering all that, I’ve come up with a pitch for a new reality tv show…Grandma Plasty.
49andholding Grandmas compete in a months long competition, someplace wonderful, like Hawaii, to see who wins ‘Grandma-Plasty’. A total makeover, which includes a little nip and tuck to rework what gravity and time have messed with.
Oh the things they, whoever they are, could do for me! Permanent hair color, no unruly wiry gray hairs popping up five days after the last color, no roots with more white each time they grow out. And that’s just the beginning. Eyebrows need to lift, cheeks-tighten, and what in the world could they do to get rid of those thin wrinkles beginning on my neck? You know that look, when it seems you have more skin than neck? Gone.
Moving down, well, I hate to even mention it, but these breasts have nursed three children and survived a lifetime of ‘weight on/weight off’, no wonder they hang there. Yes, I would take a pair of ‘ladies’ that don’t lay in my armpits when I lie down. Maybe a little something that looks towards the mirror instead of the floor?
Tummy tuck is a given. Although in my case, it might take some type of ‘band’ surgery. We want to make sure it doesn’t come back! Maybe they could just go with built-in Spanx.
And if anything is a dead ringer for aging, it’s hands. They’d have to do something about all those fine wrinkle lines. I’d want them smooth, just like Madge used to have on the Palmolive commericial.
One last spot, the legs. At some point the legs begin to change. It begins to look like you have extra skin. You know that hangy, saggy stuff with fine little wrinkle lines. I see it starting on the thighs, as if the cellulite isn’t bad enough.
I did leave a few body parts alone, sorry, but no ones doing to my lips what some of those “Real Housewives of Beverly Hills” have had done. Are you kidding? After seeing those girls, I don’t trust anyone with lips.
Yip, it’s a dream. Sure the competition would be fierce. But girls, you betcha, I would be there!