This whole 49andcounting thing, well…you all know what that means, the big 50 is getting close, very close. Tonight, instead of embracing the moment, living each 49 day to the fullest, accomplishing all those things I want to accomplish in this last few moments of the first 1/2 century of my life, I am disappointed in myself for what I haven’t done. And what I’m not doing.
I’d like to think it’s a ‘woman thing’. (Although I wouldn’t wish it on any of you). But I truly believe that little devil sitting on my shoulder constantly hounds me about what I haven’t accomplished. He tries to steal my joy. He tries to convince me I’m not good enough. He tries to convince me that no matter what I’ve done right, I still have missed the mark. I’m thinking I’m not the only woman who feels this way.
Let’s see…why is it that when I go to bed at night I hear words like this…’you should have done the dishes’, ‘your sister would have worked on that project’, ‘so you made excuses again for not exercising?’, ‘good grandmas make scrapbooks”, ‘what did you do for others today, are you so selfish?’…and on and on. Actually when I reflect on it, all day long, I hear the voices in my head, nagging about how disappointed they are in me. Nagging me about what I didn’t do.
I don’t have answers in this post. I’m just ‘getting it real’. I don’t believe I’m mentally unhealthy, or depressed. What I believe is that a lot of us women sabotage ourselves with uncontrolled negative thinking, and that we really need to make an effort to stop those thoughts. Replace them with the positive. Stop that little devil dead in his tracks, and say “NO, I’m not listening to you this time!”
I’m getting the sticky notes out, I’m posting them all over. With scripture, God’s word that tells me I’m okay.
*Philippians 1:9 “Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”
*John 15:16 “You did not choose me, but I chose you…”
*Ephesians 2:10 “We are God’s workmanship…”
Scripture that assures me that He loves me and that with my eyes on him I am becoming like him ‘more and more’.
If you have any ways that you’ve overcome the ‘beating yourself up’ thinking, let me know. I’d love to hear. We all need each other.