This whole 49andcounting thing, and the big 50 being just one month away, well…I’m beginning to sweat a little! Honestly, just in case I’ve led you to believe I’m obsessed with aging. I’m not. Most of it gives me a good laugh. Growing old. Well, it’s just hilllaarrriioouuss!
Who’da thought chin hairs, wrinkles the size of the grand canyon, knees (and hips, and backs, and elbows…) that throb with pain, what was that word-oh yeah, memory loss. Just who would have thought they could be funny?
It’s all just been a good laugh, until…it hit me. At 40, I fell apart! I mean, blow out the candles on the cake, and life changed! Suddenly, I couldn’t see. I’m talking a $600 pair of glasses, couldn’t see. Tri-focals. And the worst part, a year later…I couldn’t see again. It just kept getting worse. The volume on the tv went from 20 or so, to…well, like I’ve told you before, I really like the little words scrolling at the bottom of the screen. And my most frequent response is “what?” I hate to admit this, but I’m getting it real…so…often, I don’t even know what you’re saying to me. I just smile and shake my head in agreement!
Now this may sound a little personal, but I swear to you after 40 you might as well invest in a night light…because the trips to the bathroom at night are frequent! I try to schedule mine to go with the three Tylenol I need sometime in the wee hours. I don’t even have to set an alarm, because at 2am I’m drenched in sweat. Kicking covers back, stripping down to near nothing. I’m glad my husband’s old too and his eyesight is a little shady, as I’m sure it isn’t pretty! All that, immediately after turning 40.
And sometime in my 40’s I got this “turkey warble” thing happening under my chin. Not to mention my “Oprah arms” (sorry Oprah). You know those flaps of skin than hang from your upper arms making you look like you might take flight. Then just last year, like out of nowhere…age spots! I look like I have freckles, but on my legs. And those fine blue lines that connect the dots…vericose veins!
This week, a little voice in my head just asked, “oh my goodness-if I fell apart at 40 what the heck is going to happen at 50?” I’m frightened, I’m alarmed, I’m dismayed, I’m panicked….I’m sweating bullets…and suddenly it’s not feeling so funny after all.
So today, in the name of keeping a positive outlook, I quick booked a haircut and eyebrow wax. The girl even got me in today. Could she tell by my voice it was an emergency? Next, I’m looking for the tanning bed. Have just decided, this pre-50 month is going to be all about me. And I’m feeling better already!